Perceiving - being liked

Social interaction means perceiving.

I perceive you, you perceive me.

We recognize, categorize, generalize all in a matter of seconds before actually knowing who the person is standing in front of us.

In todays post-modern society we are definitely very focused on ourselves, on the ego. Still I talk a lot about "us" and "we" because no matter what, we act very similar as a species. No matter how much we are encouraged to reach our full potential by ourselves we are dependent on each other. We need and seek each others companionship and sympathy.

When coming into contact with another human, the "vibe check" occurs. This may happen subconsciously still, the impression left is very clear. We work that way;  figuring out who the person is, and what they could be like. The reasons for those assumptions can be straightforward and reasonable but I would guess that more often they rely on vague intuitions or gut-feelings.

 

To put it into context: When a person is clearly rude towards you, there is less room for doubt in forming an opinion. But most of the times we make up our minds on the spot due to more or less irrational feelings we get from them.

My thesis is; the act of liking someone is SUPER subjective. Annoying people can be liked by many, sweet people overlooked. And who says that my impression of them being "annoying" or "sweet" is accurate in the first place. This means that everything you do or not do is cleansed through the individual lense of the person in front of you and therefore can be perceived in a million different ways without you having control over it. In other words: the opinion someone has over you is highly influenced by their upbringing, character traits, insecurities, social circle and countless more factors. This may not be a shocker, of course we befriend people who we relate to or we find interesting and vice versa. There is no one who is liked by everyone, right?

Still what I have experienced is fluctuations of who I am to people in my close circle. It is no surprise, that a classmate is going to describe you differently than your sister or your gym buddy. Still I wonder how their impression of me can be so different while I remain the same. Like giving lemon juice into liquids and seeing how the colours change when making a pH-test. The lemon juice remains the same but the world reacts to it differently. 

Surely the people closest to you might think they know you the best due to experiencing you in different scenarios but will their subjective interpretation get closer to the TRUTH or the REAL you? I don't think so. Because the liquid in the glass also remains the same (if that makes sense).

How could someone figure me out, when I dont even know who I am. I find myself adapting to the "vibe" of the person I am talking to, I think we all know with whom to be more silly or show a certain side of ourselves but in the end human interaction is subjective as we remain subjects LOL. Meaning our acts impact the objects around us as well as they influence and impact us.

What can we learn from this? People will like you, others will not. So why try to make yourself suitable for everyone, why try fitting in everywhere. 

There are certain people out there who need to work on themselves instead of taking this advise too seriously but many of us try to understand how to be liked or how to show your best "true" self. And the answer is, people will see the side they want to see and interpret or judge you one way or the other. 

 

Remember, I am referring to personal relations like friends and partners. When it comes to work there are certainly ways to make yourself more liked or seen, we all have to learn certain skills or wear poker-faces once in a while. But when it comes to presenting who you are out there to others don't be disappointed when confronted with people who don't want to or are unable to see who your as a whole. Only clear water will leave the lemon juice "untouched".

That's that thought.

Thanks for reading.